Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
