I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
