My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
