Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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