why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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