I hate all girls vehemently.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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