Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
