You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Randomize
