you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
