for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
