Dual....:-)
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
