I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
