did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
