ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
