I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Let the clothes fall where they may.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
