ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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