Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
