he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
