I am in a vortex of obligation.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
