Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
