When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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