half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
