you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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