There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I need to align my fucking chakras
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
