I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
