Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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