i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Text me some of your sweat
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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