I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize