we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
