What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize