sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
