Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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