Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
