i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
