3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
