i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
