My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
