I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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