then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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