Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
