capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
