worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
