if only i could text you this smell
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
