And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I DEMAND FORESKIN
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
