my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Help. Why am I so naked?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
