would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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