can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize