I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize