I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
