Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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