Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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