true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
