Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
