i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
True college students do jello shots in the library
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
