I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
