Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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