I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
