Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
