it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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