The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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