Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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