dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize