that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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