i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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