Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
