sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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