Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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