just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
