This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
