we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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