you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
