considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
